Yesterday's Feelings
by lemonStars
Summary: Brandon Novak X OC  Two souls that seem so perfect. Too bad there's no such thing as perfection.
1. The Beginning

1 Brandon._Yesterday's Feelings_.Novak=the beginning  
><strong>"And I've become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don't believe much in<strong>** anything"**

"Okay now let's get started," Dr. Monroe said.  
>"Ok."<br>"Where should we start?" she questioned.  
>"I don't know, where do you wanna start?"<br>"How about from the beginning?"  
>"Well, when I was little my mom died from breast cancer and..."<br>"How old were you?"  
>"Like six I think, maybe eight or seven."<br>"Mhm, go on."  
>"And after she died my dad started drinking, like a lot-"<br>"How much?"  
>"I don't know, I didn't count his every sip. And then-Oh God," I thought back to not that long ago, "then he lost his job; he lost our house." I paused. "We had to go on welfare and apply for food stamps and move into government housing. It sucked."<br>"Sounds like you had it pretty rough." I continued staring at the ceiling. "Did he ever hit you?"  
>"No, once or twice maybe." She looked up from her notepad and gave me a questioning look. "Only when I made him mad."<br>"How often was he mad?"  
>"Rarely, he was more of a lazy drunk than a mean one."<br>"How regularly was he drunk then?"  
>"I can't remember a time when he wasn't."<br>"Since you were six, correct?"  
>"I guess."<br>"And CPS never took you away?"  
>"Well, no."<br>"How did this make you feel?"  
>"How did what make me feel?"<br>"Your situation."  
>"I-I don't know, I was happy." I guessed at the answer.<br>"Happy?"  
>"Yeah, like I didn't know what I was missing out on: a loving dad, clean clothes, happy family. I was happy with not getting hit, I mean sure the alcohol smelled bad, but other than that I was <em>happy<em>."  
>"I see I see," she repeated to herself, "so let's move on to when your father passed away."<br>"Well, I was about 17 when I was over at my neighbor's house getting high and-"  
>"Was it a guy or a girl?"<br>"Who?"  
>"Your neighbor, was it a guy or a girl?"<p>

"A guy, he was on the football team or baseball something like that. He had these really big muscles –uh- he was so hot." I relished in the memory.  
>"How well did you know this guy?"<br>"We had had relations but other than that I knew his name."  
>"Let me get this straight you had slept with this man and you didn't even know him?"<br>"It wasn't that rare of a thing."  
>"But you were only 17, a child."<br>"Okay."  
>"How many times had that happened?"<br>"I'm not sure, too many to count." I didn't have to think about it, I already knew I couldn't remember how many times I walked next door and hooked up with my sexy neighbor.  
>"If you don't mind me asking; how old you were when you lost your virginity?"<br>"Seven or eight."  
>"But you were so young," she stated as if I had no idea.<br>"When my dad got drunk there was nothing I could do."  
>"To your father?"<br>"Yeah, but it's no big deal."  
>"Sweetheart, it is."<br>"No. It's not."  
>"Do you want to continue?"<br>"Yeah okay, so I guess it technically started just a couple weeks after school began in early September**...**  
>"That's some good shit," I giggled finishing off the second joint of the morning.<br>"It's imported from Mexico," he leaned closer to me. "So I held up my end of the deal, now it's your turn," he said in a more serious tone.

Our little system was pretty simple, we would both skip school on Friday and I'd go over to his place to get high then we would fuck."

"That's a lot of school to miss. You must've had a hard time keeping your grades up?" Dr. Monroe asked.  
>"I-I slept with my teachers, and if the teacher was a woman or gay or whatever, I'd just come up with some crackpot story about my dad being sick or something stupid like that. It was a small town, everyone knew my dad was a wino."<br>The look of terror on her face told me how she felt about my past.  
>"I'm not proud of what I did, but it's too late to change it now."<br>"Please proceed with your story," she said shaking her head in shame.

"Well that day it was different than the others, usually I would just go over in the morning, but Thursday me and my dad got into a big fight over something stupid, so I went over to his house to _blow off some steam_. We fucked a few times before he passed out, but thankfully his brother was visiting from college that weekend, and me and him did it till I wore him out too.  
>The next morning I was woken up by the sound sirens down the road. Once I realized they were coming from my house I ran a few doors down to my house only to be pushed away by the cops.<br>"I'm sorry this is a crime scene ma'am, authorized personnel only," the young cop said.  
>"This is my house!" I pleaded.<br>"I'm sorry but you have to stay behind the yellow tape."  
>"Can you tell me what happened?" I asked frantically as I saw a body bag being wheeled out of the house. I knew it had to be my dad, who else could it have been, honestly? But I still couldn't believe it.<br>"The man who lived here couldn't take it anymore."  
>"What does that mean?" I ran under the tape up to the stretcher and pulled the top off slowly to see my father's face cover in dried blood. I froze looking into my father's cold empty face.<p>

People started pulling me away and I tried not to budge, but in the end I failed.  
>They took me to the station and told me to wait there. So I waited there, and I waited there, then I waited some more.<br>"Angel?" I heard a loving voice say.  
>"Uncle Knox?" I was surprised. I loved my uncle more than my dad, but he lived all the way in California and didn't visit, ever.<br>"Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry the cop he called and I heard what happened, you must be so sad," he pulled me into a tight embrace.  
>"What did happen?"<br>"You don't know?"

"I just know he killed himself."

"Well they say that your dad- Well your dad, he was really drunk and he-he shot himself."  
>For the first time in a long time I burst into tears, how could he have done that?<br>"What am I supposed to do now? I don't have a job, I'm still in school, I can't afford rent-"  
>"Shh, I've got it all planned out already."<br>"No I can't."  
>"It's alright don't worry."<br>"So I'm gonna live with you?" I loved my uncle to death, but I couldn't spend that long in a house with both him and my Aunt Melanie, they fought all the fucking time. The streets  
>"Not me pursue," he sounded kinda awkward.<br>"What?"  
>"Well me and Melanie are kind of going through a divorce so I planned on you staying with some friends of mine-If that's okay with you?"<br>"Oh God now I'm scared," I said sarcastically.  
>"I would be too," Uncle Knoxville just laughed it off."<p> 


	2. Finally Home

**2=finally home**  
><strong>"<strong>**I won't answer the phone when you call because you deserve to be lonely. You could have had us.****"**

"So where does this friend of yours live?" I asked as we began to board the plane.  
>"Just down the road from my house. Are you sure that's all you want to take?"<br>"Shut up it's all I got!" I had a couple of shirts and a few pairs of pants, not much to anyone else but it was all I had, "So what's your friends name again?"  
>"Spike."<br>"Ok. So is he married or anything?"  
>"Why you gonna make a move or something?" He asked winking.<br>"No I'm just wondering," I said trying to look innocent.  
>"Good. And yes."<br>"How old is he?"  
>"God, I don't know his life story," he said defensively.<br>"Well I don't know anything about this guy who you're sending me to live with." I was kinda nervous, sure I trusted my uncle to not send me to live with a psycho, but everyone has skeletons in their closet.

"He's pretty cool-"  
>"Well if Johnny Knoxville says he's cool he <em>must<em> be cool," I said sarcastically.

Pretty soon the flight was over and we were finally in California and it was so different in really good way. I was used to Tennessee with trees that flowed with the rolling hills, but here it was open with the scent of the ocean hanging in the air. This is the type of place where I could start over, a whole new life.  
>"So do you wanna go see your new home now or what?" Uncle J. asked.<br>"Mine as well get it over with."  
>"Well you sound so enthused."<p>

"This is it!" Uncle Knoxville said stopping his car in front of a huge mansion.  
>"Wow," I said staring at the gigantic house in front of me.<br>"Come on," he called pulling me out of my gaze.  
>*Ding Dong* the doorbell rang.<br>The door opened revealing a middle-aged man about 5' 9 with shaggy medium length brown hair.  
>"Yo Spike, what's up?"<br>"Nothin much man," he looked at me, "so is this her?"  
>"Yep."<br>"Hi I'm Spike and you must be Angella?" he asked outstretching his hand for me to shake.  
>"That's me. Nice to finally meet you." I gave a flirtatious smile."<p>

All of the sudden I heard a loud screeching noise. Dr. Monroe picked up the timer, "The hour is over, same time tomorrow?" she said looking at me for an answer.  
>"Sounds good to me I guess."<br>"Have a good day."  
>"Bye."<p>

I slowly unlocked the front door thinking about everything that we had yet to cover in counseling and how that douche could have done that to me. I turned on the light to my small one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the phone where the number 8 was flashing on the caller ID. Not wanting to know who called, I reluctantly pressed the play button.  
><em>"Hey Angel its Brandon-"<em>delete.  
><em>"I'm really sor-"<em>delete.  
><em>"I know what I did wasn't good but I'm really sorry-"<em>delete.  
><em>"Please pick up the phone? If I could take it back I would-"<em>delete.  
><em>"It's Novak pick up the phone-"<em>delete.  
><em>"Babe, come on answer already plea-"<em>delete.

The rest I didn't even bother with I'm tired of _Brandon Novak_. He's the whole reason I'm in this position, before him I never cared or tried or loved, but he took advantage of that. That _bastard__._


	3. More than a Memory

3 's =more than a memory  
><strong>"I can honestly say I don't want to forget you. But I can't forgive you this time. So I'm gonna go with my head held high, and the memories left behind. But I'll still hold a piece of you"<strong>

"So what did you do after you left yesterday?" Dr. Monroe asked.  
>"I went home, ate a TV dinner then went to sleep. I don't have much of a life anymore."<br>"Ahh yes I see," she said while scribbling notes onto her notepad.  
>"But when I went to sleep I had the weirdest dream-" she stopped me.<br>"Wait a second I'll go get my dream book," she said while going through her book shelves, "Go on."  
>"So, I was watching an angel with a crying baby being chased by lions covered in blood, I screamed and screamed for help, but no sound left my mouth. Soon the angel and the baby had crossed my path with the lions close behind, the angel stopped in front of me asking me for help I got a good look at her face and she reminded me of how I used to look: piercing green eyes, long sandy-blonde hair, and a tongue ring in the exact same spot as mine. But even more recognizable was the look in her eyes, like a six year old that lost her mom in a grocery store. While the angel was asking me for help the lions caught up and started tearing her apart into a million tiny little pieces." I stopped that angel really did remind me of myself back then and it hurt seeing that happen to my-former-self. "As the lion ripped her to shreds the baby started laughing and it soon grew horns and its skin turned crimson red and he transformed into the devil and from there he turned into a monster with deep purple skin, like a really pretty purple, and huge pointy teeth that put the Big Bad Wolf to shame, and his eyes they didn't have a specific color but you could tell that they were evil. After he transformed into this monster he roared, scaring the lions making them back off, as they stepped away he moved forward and started devouring what was left of her. I tried screaming some more and finally my voice came back to me, and the creature looked up from his meal and stared me straight in the eyes I went completely silent. I had no idea what to do as he slowly crawled towards me I struggled to move but couldn't so I just stood there as the demon child came my way. Once he reached me he stood up and said something I hoped I would never hear- "Mama"- he then jumped into my stomach, I could feel him squirming around and I woke up sweaty and shaking."<p>

"Well let's begin at the start," she flipped through a couple of pages, "if you dream of an angel that means you will lack joy and hope," she flipped a couple more, "a crying baby in your dreams means that you will soon be sick and full of disappointments, if you see your past, or in your case your past-self, that shows that you lack family and need to visit them. Lions-lions-lions," she was searching for the page, "oh yes lions. If you see lions in your dream you have many obstacles to overcome in life. The devil shows that you have guilt, anger, disrespect, hatred, or are alone. While a monster means that you are afraid to admit the truth to everyone even yourself."  
>"Well that's reassuring."<br>"So, if you're really interested in the analytical aspect we could go delve deeper into this."  
>"I'm not. We can skip it."<p>

"Angella, why are you here?" I didn't answer.

"Just stupid stuff."  
>"I'm sure it's not stupid sweetheart."<br>"Don't call me that." I demanded, "He used to call me that."  
>"Who?"<br>"Brandon." She just gave me a questioning look. "He's this guy that I really liked, and the reason I did all of that stuff. I guess he's the reason I'm here." She continued with the look. "I'm sorry I can't do this right now," I said getting up and walking to the door.  
>"Hope to see you tomorrow."<br>"Yeah right," I mumbled under my breath.

I pulled into the parking lot at the apartment complex and saw a familiar shiny purple Lamborghini. I tried convincing myself that it wasn't Bam's. There has to be someone else with that expensive of a car with a heartagram hood ornament. I walked inside not bothering to check the mail; I followed the stairs up to the fifth floor and to apartment number 517. I heard a loud crash and hurriedly unlocked my door to see Bam, Uncle Knoxville, and Spike trying to clean up the remains of my TV and its stand. I just stood there in shock.  
>"Oh Angella, hey sorry about that," Uncle Knoxville quickly apologized, "Bam was just showing us some-"<br>"How did you get in here?"  
>"I have a key."<br>"Oh, well what are y'all doing here?"  
>"We're gonna start filming another movie and I- we were wondering if you wanted to be a part of this one?" Spike said.<br>"Maybe- will Brandon be there?"  
>"Of course I will be." Bam stated.<br>"The other one."  
>"Oh- uhm yea most likely."<br>"Then no."  
>"Ok, well want some dinner? We already checked your fridge for you, and I'm sorry to say it's empty." Uncle Knoxville said.<br>"As long as I don't have to pay."

We all sat there at Red Lobster waiting for our food to arrive.  
>"He really misses you, you know?" Bam stated.<br>"Bam shut up." I said sternly.  
>"He's my best bud and I know he didn't mean to do that to you."<br>"Bam stop, you're starting to piss me off."  
>The waitress brought us our drinks not forgetting about the fame of the gentleman at the table, she bent over the table showing off plenty of cleavage to make the men stare. I sipped at my coke not wanting to join in the conversation that was going on at the table.<br>"So Angel how's counseling going?" Uncle Johnny asked.  
>"I don't want to talk about it."<p>

"You seeing a shrink?" Bam asked.

"A counselor." Great now he thinks I'm crazy. "That best bud of yours broke my brain along with my heart."  
>The table stayed silent, an awkward silence none the less. I scarfed up the rest of my popcorn shrimp in a hurry.<p>

"That was delicious, thank you for the free meal but I don't want to be here anymore, bye." As soon as I finished I hightailed it out of there. As I left I heard them ask me to stay but I don't like being known as the crazy one in the group.

I caught a bus and tried to stay as much to myself as possible which was hard considering how crowded it was.  
>"Hey." Some big guy next to me said.<br>"Hi," I whispered.  
>"You got a boyfriend?" he asked. I didn't know what to say, he really scared me but I just thought about Novak and my mind went blank.<br>"Why as a matter of fact she does." Some guy next to me said wrapping his arm over my shoulder.  
>"Oh. Cool." The big guy said backing off.<br>I looked up to see who my rescuer was and it was the man who I loved/**loathed** most in the world.  
>"What are you doing here?" I spat.<br>"I thought you might like to be saved once again."  
>"I was doing alright by myself, thank you very much." The bus stopped in front of my building and I quickly rushed off with Brandon following close at my heels.<br>"Come on baby please?"  
>"No now go away." I pulled out my keys and quickly unlocked the door. He followed me inside.<br>"Baby please?"  
>"Holy crap just go away! I don't want to see you ever again for the rest of my life!" I screamed in his face.<br>"You don't mean that."  
>"Yes I do."<br>"What about _forever and ever_, just like all those cliché movies?"  
>"Please just go," I felt a tear run down my face.<br>"Don't cry." He took my face in his hands and gently wiped it away. "I hate it when you cry."  
>"Then go away." Another one fell.<br>"Sweetheart," he moved his face closer to mine and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I pushed him away.  
>"Well then I guess this is goodbye..."<br>"It is." And he finally walked away. I got up to my place again and crashed on the bed and cried myself to sleep once again.


End file.
